Scene #4.5

Khwasusu ukothuka ekuseni uMpumezo. Uke walaqaza kuqala ukujonga nangasebhedini. Kwaphutha-phutha iphone yakhe, wayifumana ecaleni kwakhe. Wayicofa ezama ukujonga ixesha, wafika lisithi; 09:32

Kwek, ulele wade waselwa. Phofu bekufanele iintlungu bezimtya de akakwazi ukulala ekuqaleni de wayokhulula latoilet paper. Akujonga ebhedini, wafika yondlulwe kakuhle, engengasekho uBonisa, kwa nto zakhe zingekho. Caba uvuke wondlula wogqiba wagoduka. Kengoku, kutheni engamvusanga ke torho? Makube usaqumbile. 

Mpumezo: (Ethetha yedwa) “Ndizakuzama ukumfowunela maarn ukubuya kwam kwisanuse! Kumele ndiye kuso kwangoku kusekusasa. Lonto ndilambile kodwa akunakungena nooko kutya. Kuzakumele ndike ndibethe koozelekazi nalapha emanzini. Lonto unyanisile lomntwana ukuba elivumba ingathi lelempuku efileyo. Kuzakumele ndimhlambisise umqwathi lo ukwenzela ukuba kufuneka eveziwe noko ajongeke bhetele. Nalamxolo etoilet paper amenze wambeje-mbeje, kwek ibuhlungu into elapha! Kudumbe nje isende elinye, eli lasekhohlo, kwaye liyashayna, aliqaqambi yintoni, eish. Ingathi ndiya ndidunjelwa ziinyawo ngoku, kuzobanzima ukuhamba ke yazi, andazi ukuba andinakuqasha phela nha, lindise liphinde liyondilanda xa sele ndigqibile! Kodwa ngcono ndbe ndilungisa”

Waphakama ke, wazama ukosula umzimba, wazama ukosula umqwathi ngevaslaphu emanzi. Akugqiba wathambisa umzimba wakhe nge clere, wafaka iroll-on yeAXE, wafaka ne perfume. Wanxiba. 

Mpumezo: “Lishushu neli langa. Lonto kuse kwathi nkcwe kamnandi endleleni. Yhu, nalo elavumba ke ngoku! Maarn! Liyatsho! Azi andizuvifa sele liqatsele nha! Yazi ngeke ndafaka nesiprey kwalapha ngaphantsi ukwenzela ukunqanda elivumba liphuma apha ngaphantsi. Heke naliya iphela elinegenamntu, eish, ingathi ndisikiwe kanjani apha ngaphantsi. Misa bhuti! Heke! Molo mfondini!”
Driver: “Heke”
Mpumezo: “Mfo! Ndifuna ukukukhupha maarn apha endleleni! Ndiya kwalapha eLower, kweza flethi zingakwaGoal, ndiya kwakwenye indlu pha, iyakuba yimalini ke ngoku?”
Driver: “Akukho ngxaki bawo! Iyakuba yiR40 ykundikhupha endleleni”
Mpumezo: “Nceda tata maarn, ndiyaphela kukudinwa, andikwazi ukuhamba kakuhle wena”
Driver: “Kulungile bhuti singaya”
Mpumezo: “Uzakuba undincedile ke nto yakuthi”
Driver: “Yintoni wankalasa mfondini kutheni? Une drop?”
Mpumezo: “Sukuba sabuza maarn mfondini! Kwek”
Driver: “Ike yandifumana kodwa maaarn nantsika nam! Kwek, naako ndiyonkqonkqwa eklikini yenye inesikazi”
Mpumezo: “Yho! Uthini nha apha kum yihlo?”
Drive: “Ungalibali ukuba ke kwa lenesi ndake ndayincwasa yandivuma. Kodwa izinto azange zilunge ekuhambeni kwexesha”
Mpumezo: “Kwaye kwathini?”
Driver: “Ey, ndabhaqwa kaloku mfo nenye intwazana yesikolo ngoku ey...”
Mpumezo: “Ingathi sele ugugile nje uyintoni ebantwaneni besikolo?”
Driver: “Uvelaphi ndiye? Akusekho mntwana ngoku kaloku! Phofu, uke umbuze ukhetshe ubungakanani bakhe emantshontshweni? Hay! Ngoku undibuzelani?”
Mpumezo: “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
Driver: “Kaloku, bayasithanda abasisana kuba siyabakhathalela, nabo ke bayasikhathalela kulomhlaba ungezantsi”
Mpumezo: “Kwathini kunesi kaloku”
Driver: “Iyhhhooooo! Wandinkulela ukundibulala lowo! Esithi kufuneka kuphele ubofu obo babubgaphakathi. Yabe idumbe iligqajolo ke nayo! Iphuma izinto nje ezinukayo”
Mpumezo: “ha! Ha! Ha! Tjuiioooo wakufumana nhe?”
Driver: “Wayebuyisa isixhiba kaloku”
Mpumezo: “Misa kulogeyti ime loomama”
Driver: “Ok! Kulungile tata, nawe ke kodwa umelwe yinto ungonjwe pha! Kumele uye ngoku usakwazi ukuhamba nawe tata, otherwisw xa sele usisiwa ngematrasi, sizakuthetha thina izinto ngawe”
Mpumezo: “Lonto niyathetha maaarn”

Ukumka kwephela kwakhala iphone, wayibamba.

Mpumezo: (Ethetha kwiphone) “Ha.a! Andiyanga! Umke nini kanti wena ekuseni?”
Bonisa: “Ndimke ekuseni kaloku mna! Ndikuvuse ndakuncama! Ndicela uye kwagqirha Mpumezo torho! Utsho ndikukhaphe ukuba uyoyika! Ndizomxelela ngokwam ukuba ungqutywe ndim ke! Ndiyakucela torho!”
Mpumezo: “Ok! Yima ndophinda ndikufowunele uphuma kwam apha kulendawo ndikuyo”
Bonisa: “Uphi kanti?”
Mpumezo: “Hay!Yima torho”

Wadibana nalomama ke ume egeytini. Kucaca ukuba uligqirha okanye ungumkhwetha, kodwa azange ohlule nto uMpumezo kodwa wabulisa ngembeko kazi enkulu. Wayebile esihla amanzi umfo kucaca ukuba ubambekile noko.

Mkhwethakazi: “Ndilandele bhuti! Ungumni kanene?”
Mpumezo: Ndingumqwathi mama”
Khwethakazi: “UDikela? UNtswayibane? UNoni?”
Mpumezo: “Ewe mama! Ndim lowo”
Mkhwethakazi: “Oh! Liphi ikhaya ke Mqwathi?”
Mpumezo: “LiseCofimvaba mama”
Mkhwethakazi: “Phi?”
Mpumezo: “KuNongqungqwana mama”
Mkhwethakazi: “Ngubani inkosi yenu ke pha?”
Mpumezo: “Hay'ke mama! Leyo yeenkosi andiyazi”
Mkhwethakazi: “Tyhini! Ninje ke nina lutsha lwangoku, aniwafuni tu ke amasiko wenu, niyawabaleka jike nizimele ngemfundo kunye nangezi cawe zenu”
Mpumezo: “Ndihleli apha kaloku mna eKapa mna! Ngoku andinakuyazi into eyenzeka kwelacala”
Mkhwethakazi: “Awunakuzimela ngalonto. Inkaba akho iphi kanti? Ngoku kutheni unganxibelelani nayo? Singakunceda ngantoni ke mQwathi”
Mpumezo: “Bendicela ukudibana nomntu ongutata. Ingxaki yam ifanele bona mama”
Mkhwethakazi: “Hay'kuzakunzeleka uthethe ke nondoda. Kaloku ndingumama wakho, ndiyakuzala, ngoku loonto ukhala ngayo kumelezekile ukuba ndiyayazi”
Mpumezo: “Bendicela mama ukuba ndidityaniswe nomntu ongutata ukuze ndikhululeke ukuyithetha lento ndinayo”
Mkhwethakazi: “Hewethu! Thetha! Udunjelwe litanyula? Okanye unalento yenu lutsha, idrop? Huh? Woyiswa yintoni ukutsho? Huh? Uzakuncedakala njani ungayithethi ingxaki yakho? Yizokuhlala apha, nceda ke tata ukhulule ezo zihlangu! Uyiphethe imali?

Wathi gwije umama lo kwelinye icala elinomdiyadiya. Utsale indlebe uMpumezo, weva usebesebe wamazwi kunye nokuqhwatywa kwezandla kancinci. Uyizunguzile ke indle ukuyijonga, kwek wafika noko akathanda xa abona amafele eenyoka, izikhumba zezilwanyana, iingcambu, amaxolo, amaqweqwe, amahlahlana nayo yonke nje into emdakana angayaziyo. Waabona ke unkabi ukuba lendawo akuyo ayimfanelanga kodwa kuba efuna ukuphila, uzakuhlala alindele uncedo. Kwaye ukho ke nomsana ophuma phantsi komdiyadiya, kucaca phofu ukuba noko le yimpepho le iqhunyiswayo kweelacala. 

Laphuma noko ixhegwazana lisosula umbilo ngeli laphu lilibhinqileyo. Lathatha ikomanyana, lagalela amanzi, lawazisa kuMpumezo kunye nento yokosula nenqwaba yee blades esandlemi salo.

Mkhwethakazi: “Kuzakumele uvase izandla zakho ke apha toto, ukhawulezise ke kuba kuzakufuneka ungene kweliya cala”
Mpumezo: “Iiblades zona zezokwenzani?”
Mkhwethakazi: “Ingathi unemibuzo emininzi kodwa uthi ufuna ukuphila! Ina, yosula izandla wogqiba ugaqe ngamadolo ukuya pha phantsi kwalamdiyadiya. Kulapho uncedo lwakho lukhoyo! HAMBA!”

Xhungu uMqwathi, wakhasa ngamadolo kancinci ke phofu ukuya ngasekhethinsini. Kazi yintoni njha le azifaka kuyo ngoku. Engqondweni yakhe kwaathi qatha ezaa blades zininzi zisesandleni zalomama uza emva kwakhe, ephethe ivaskom.

Sime apho okwangoku. Siyebuya.

#DOUO