Pastor was on the phone talking to Thembela while he was sitting in the toilet seat. It was about 10:00 am in the morning. Thembela was still in bed although she was awake. The man of the pulpit was in his undies.
Thembela: “Ndisalele nje tata” Pastor: “Khovuke maaarn” Thembela: “And andikacoci ke nalapha endlini! Subuye ebusuku izolo. Umama uyathetha ke sana” Pastor: “Uzobuya ukline kaloku sana! Cela maaarn” Thembela: “Hay andizokwazi shame uxolo ngokukuphoxa” Pastor: “Awuzokwazi ukuza ke mhlawumbi ukugqiba kwakho?” Thembela: “Kumele ndicikice ubugcwabalalana bempahla zam, andizokwazi shame” Pastor: “Kodwa ndiyakukhumbula baby” Thembela: “Hay sukuthi baby kum, umfazi wakho uzokuthini?” Pastor: “Akekho lowo and use wanezothe apha kum, sekulithuba ndingasamenzi nto” Thembela: “Urongo kodwa” Pastor: “Ngantoni? Akukho nto ithi mandimbambe kaloku, let alone to make love to her. Soloko ndicinga ngawe and akanguwe and akafani nawe” Thembela: “Imbi ke lento uyenza kumama kodwa tata” Pastor: “Andenzanga nto tu ke tana” Thembela: “Yiyo lento soloko ekhuphela umsindo apha kum” Pastor: “Wenzeni ngoku” Thembela: “Uyandingxolisa, undithuma oko and akasoze andincome into entle eyenziwa ndim, kodwa abanye yhuuuuuuuuu” Pastor: “Ndiyakuncoma nje mna love” Thembela: “Ewe baby ndiyavuma, kodwa nam ndiyafuna ukunconywa nje ngamanye amantombazana. Nam ndenza umsebenzi omhle kaloku” Pastor: “Ndiyayazi lonto kaloku, yiyo lonto ndasoloko ndikukhuthaza rhoqo nam” Thembela: “That's not enough, naye ndiyafuna asoloko endikhuthaza” Pastor: “Ndiyakuva! Khawuzondenzela ibreakfast kaloku nana. Uzokwenzala umntu wakho kaloku” Thembela: “Hay wena umama wakwakho athini xa wenzelwa ndim ukutya? Hay hay hay!” Pastor: “Akekho, uphengele kaloku, akekho and ke mna andikwazi ukuzenzela ukutya” Thembela: “OH! Udla ngokusiqhatha ke mos enkonzweni xa uthi wena uke umenzele ibreakfast in bed umama?” Pastor: “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ewe, inene andikwazi mna tu” Thembela: “Ingathi uzovuka ngesonka ke namhlanje, ngoba mna andizi apho andizukwazi tu kaloku” Pastor: “Ndiyakucala baby, ndizokupha kube kanye ke, iround” Thembela: “Bendihleli ndiyazi nje ukuba ufuna loobreakfast. Ndiyamensa andizukwazi ukuza ke ndikuxelele inyani. Wenzani ngoku?” Pastor: “Ndisetoilet” Thembela: “Rhhhaaaaa! Uyakaka kodwa uthetha nam? Sies maaaarn! Kwatsho kwanuka!” Pastor: “Sendichophe nje kanti! Kudala ndigqibile! Sendizonwaya ngoku, ndicinga wena! Ndide ndakurhalela kodwa wena awufun ukuza” Thembela: “Ha.a! Khoyeke ndivuke! Umama sekendibiza ngoku. Sakubonana ngokuhlwa enkonzweni” Pastor: “Awuzi nyhani Thembie? Hello? Hello? Hello?”
Wagqibezela le ebeyiyele ngasese umfundisi ze waphuma. Wayengavasanga nezandla ezo zakhe, wangqala ngqo ekhitshini. Wazama ukuzilungiselela into esiwa phantsi kwempumlo, esahamba ze enjalo. Waqhotsa amaqanda, ibacon, watosta isonka, wanqunqa itumata, wasika ilemon, wenza ikofu wayohlala esetini wavula itive, wabuke iindaba.
KwaMpumezo.
Baye bengqengqe ngomqolo aba babini, bebile besihla amanzi. Uhlobo ababephefumla ngalo kwakucaca nje kudala bezinika sukela ukufika kumamzo lo. Babesele beze kungasekho kwampahla encinci kubo bobabini, be bhrutsu! Wayengqengqe ngomqolo uMpumezo, enabile zwi de wanga utweze nemilenze le apha kulebhedi yakhe. Umamzo yena, ubeke intloko esifubeni sikabhutiza, wabeka ithanga elivisayo phezu kukaMpumezo, isandla siphulula isifuba, esinye esicinezele ngeli cala alele ngalo. Ubhutiza esakhe isandla, eyifake yaphelela iminwe apha ezinweleni, emonwaya. Esinye isandla eqamelele ngaso. Kwake kwee cwaka kucaca oonkabi ukuba basamamele umzimba. Mntu ngamnye ucimele, uncumile.
Mamfundisi: “Ndilambile ngoku” Mpumezo: “I can organise umbeko waphezolo kodwa ukuba usekhona” Mamfundisi: “Umbeko? Are you kidding me?” Mpumezo: “Asinazo kaloku thina ezinto nizityayo xa nivuka pha kwakho” Mamfundisi: “Subanexhala! Imali ikhona, thatha iR100 pha ebhegini yam, neR12 yephela. Uye kwa Cutter's ubenge ngayo yonke lamali, sizotya. Ndizobe ndilala ke mna, kaloku ndaziwa ndiphangele, xa ndinobonwa apha?” Mpuemzo: “Inyama ekuseni kuvukwa? Tjiooo! Ndizotyeba!” Mamfundisi: “Isezizinto ezincinci ezi, kuseza izinto ezinkulu phakathi kwethu sobabini, khazondipha ke phambi kokuba uhambe. Kaloku kukude kwa Cutter's, ungabuya kudala. Snedikukhumbula ngoku! And nomqwathe sele endikhumbula naye, ume nkqo!”
Akazange abuze ke uMpumezo, kwavele kwanuka umbilo womntu, kwavaka umphaxazo, kwashukuma zibhedi kwakhala zipringi, kwancwina umama, kwabhonga indoda. Yaphezulu imilenze, kwamanzi imisintsila, kwehla amanzi de kwabila iimpundu, kwavula imithambo suke kwaluzizi ezifestileni.
Sibonane emva ko 2pm ke, sisanithanda.
#DOUO
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